It was a conversation we needed to have, not one that I wanted and not one I'm glad of at the moment, but in time I'm may it was for the best. Maybe.
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For a few years now my wife and I have not been on the same page in our relationship. The love is there, the companionship but the physical side has waned. After living inside my head for years about this I finally said something out loud and we had a conversation. It was heart-breaking.
She loves me. There's no one else. But she just doesn't have a need for anything physical. It's not something I've done, and there's not something I can do, it's just that part of her isn't there. There's no 'need' from her, nothing inside yearning, nothing needing me, or anyone else. She's happy with our relationship, our back-and-forth, the life we've built, but physically she needs nothing.
I'm devastated. I need that connection, that physical connection that helps maintain a relationship and my own well-being. I'm not ready to say goodbye to that, it's too much a part of me. I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to do, I'd never ask, but it's like a part of me is unfulfilled and it becomes all encompassing. A block I can't get past. A sadness that washes over in waves.
She's secure in our relationship for me to look outside, but I can't say I want that. The desire is there, but the idea makes me so sad. I want to share that physical connection with someone who doesn't feel the need for it, and can I share that with someone else? I don't know, I don't think so, but what does that mean for me? I don't know.